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Monday, February 4, 2013

Happy Birthday My Son, Laugh and Celebrate on Glories Side...

Andrew's 17th and Last Birthday on Earth, Last February 5th.

Just when I thought the hurdle of getting over the holidays was over, another one comes up and looks squarely at me.  Tomorrow, February 5th was to have been my son's 18th birthday.  A milestone birthday in any young adults life.  A milestone representing a coming of age and sense of independence.  But for Andrew, his life was meant to go on to live in eternity and laugh on glories side, much earlier than we thought.  

I anticipated the days prior to Andrew's birthday would be extremely difficult.  And the foreshadow has not been wrong.  My mind is going in some many directions.  I think of what could have been with Andrew.  I was thinking, as I watched the Superbowl, how Andrew, if alive, would have been watching the game with Ryan and the rest of the gang.  Andrew's last birthday on earth was celebrated in the confines of the hospital last year, but I can't help to think my son is confined no more.  He is whole and free!  Laughing and grinning and waiting in anticipation when he will see me, his mom, Bry Mom, Emily, Bry, Grandpa and Grandma and the rest of the gang who oh so loved Andrew and whom Andrew loved so fiercely.  

I was thinking today how I would trade all the wonderful things Andrew did to impact people's lives here on earth and the magnanimous life he lead to have him back.  Please pray for our family as we miss him dearly and continue to grieve in his overwhelming absence.  We continue to survive by the grace of God and knowledge we will see Andrew again one day:

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Here is a poem I penned today to help deal with my grief and to honor my son:

A Birthday Poem to My Son

I miss you my champ, how is it with God up there?
I’m so lonely and sad, as you gaze and grin down from the ultimate rarefied air.

Today was suppose to be your 18th birthday to celebrate,
In your absence, I must trudge along and a modicum of peace I must create.

I so want to honor you and smile a bit,
But on this first birthday without you, all I want to do is cry and sit.

The gift you give me today as I weep, are the great and lasting memories,
Your quiet, confident, kind and warm smile did not have any enemies.
It is quite depressing as life all around goes on without a blink,
But my deepest desire is to hold you and touch you and never let go of that link.

My son, the only thing that keeps me going on to walk, stubble and run
is the hope and faith in seeing you again, because of God’s one and only son.

So for now, my beloved and lost son, I will say goodbye for now,
I look forward to seeing you again, as fast as time will allow.

Happy Birthday Andrew Park,
Your Daddy I Will Always be!