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Friday, June 28, 2013

A YEAR GONE BY.......


I don't have the energy nor the compulsion to write much, but I will share a few words as the anniversary of Andrew's death is this Sunday.  

I can't believe it sometimes that Andrew is really dead!  It is so surreal at times, but the surreality is so closely juxtaposed with the stark reality of Andrew not being here with us.  Words are so inadequate in explaining how I have feel and felt, only a parent with a lost child can only understand, even then their grief is unique until themselves.  But a good metaphor of how I feel at times during a typical day is like boat being anchored and not being able to move, my heart feels "anchored" and I feel like I can't move or breathe.  Anger crept up again right around prom and graduation.  I recall going off on a diatribe asking God why!  Why did he decide to save one person and not Andrew.  With a "click" of his fingers, my dear son could have been here to enjoy prom and to graduate with his classmates.  I cursed and yelled at times being so frustrated and mad.  Some of you may be thinking that is so un-christian like.  Well, let me tell you something, God understands.  He can take it all.  I am grateful my anger is not mixed with the bitterness.  It's an anger which has to play it's course on this lonely and sad journey. And I have reconciled the fact I will never know fully why God chose to take Andrew "home" so early.  I must admit, God can take the numerous blessings, encouragement and love Andrew's life has given to others and I would trade all that to Andrew back!

On this Sunday, the anniversary of Andrew's death we will not do anything "special", no balloons, special services, or anything extravagant,  rather we will share a meal as a family and enjoy each other's company, remembering our beloved and missed Andrew.  That's what Andrew enjoyed the most:  Food and Family.  He was a simple kid and he indeed loved his family and food;-) I will blog about grief and share some of my insights I have gained along this process later, but for now, I leave you with some pictures and a special poem.  Please continue to pray for Jennifer, Emily, Bry, myself and the rest of our grieving family. Please pray for my mom, Andrew's beloved "halmunee" (grandmother in Korean) who is especially taking her grandson's death hard. 
 I encourage you to leave a comment.  If you are reading on this your email, you must goto the actual blog on your phone, tablet or computer to leave a comment.  The comments left really minister to my soul.  You can also email me at josephp101@yahoo.com.

XOXOXO.
Joe
Andrew's classmates honoring their beloved classmate with AP initials on their caps
Emily accepting a degree on behalf of her brother and Andrew's classmates
and the whole audience giving Andrew a standing ovation.

Andrew's best buddies always gracious and loving. They miss you Drew!



Feelings: Raw and True




A year has gone by, so fast it really seems
But I’m still encumbered by shattered dreams

My heart is so heavy, angry and blue
To these abhorred emotions I can only say, “I HATE YOU!”

This process of grief is so lonely and sad
Causing me heartache and making me utterly mad!

Andrew “My Champ”, the journey to heaven seems so far away
But I must cling to the hope I’ll see you one day

Until then, I struggle with my faith and hang by a thread
I will try to trust and obey because that’s what God said

On this one-year anniversary my emotions run deep, my departed son and friend
But I cling to the promise of what Christ did, this world a comma, not a period nor end

Words are so inadequate about how I miss you Son!
I will miss you and love you until my life here on earth is done.

I LOVE YOU!
Dad


5 comments:

  1. Dear Joe, Jennifer, Girls,
    We love you and continue to pray for you and Andrew. Our hearts are with you.
    Love,
    KendallLaurenFrankLynn

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  2. thank you so much for this posting.
    i would never be able to even imagine the pain and heartaches that you and your family must be going through.

    we do not know each other, but i love you and i am praying for you as a family in Christ. Your son was one great warrior of God.

    May His grace be with you.

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  3. Your honest thoughts are brave and bold and encouraging. You are right, most of us have absolutely no idea what it is like to live through our very worst fear of losing a child. You are blessing us with the example of what it is like to REALLY walk this Christian life....right through that awful valley. (But, I agree...all those blessings would be forfeited in a flash if it meant you could have your precious son back!)
    A person once told me that some children are just too perfect for this world...so they wait for us in heaven. I am not sure if that is a comforting thought....but....when YOUR Andrew passed away last year, I had a close friend whose son - also named Andrew and the very same age! - took his own life due to depression. We had photos of her family and yours posted in our home so we could pray for you ALL. Sadly, I strongly suspect the other Andrew did not know Jesus. Looking at both Andrews each day made my heart ache...but I was able to praise God that you KNOW your Andrew is safe with the Lord now. Perfect and whole and waiting.
    Continuing to pray for you ALL!
    *I apologize if any of this was too personal or raw or....gosh, I hope NOT....hurtful in any way!

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    Replies
    1. ....have to admit...i was mad that one Andrew was FIGHTING to live, while the other chose to take his own life & leave his loved ones. (BUT, I do not pretend to understand mental illness, so I will not criticize.) I just really wrestled with God's choices...as I am sure you do times a million. Praying for healing & strength for you today...

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    2. Lori,

      Thank you for your heartfelt and transparent reply. No need to apologize! Although you might not think the other Andrew might not have know Jesus, I know God judges children differently. I truly believe God understood the situation with him and is a fair and just God. There are so many kids that pass away not knowing Jesus, but I believe God will be fair and just. So take hope Lori. I hope and pray that the two Andrews are fellowshipping in no more pain:mentally and physically. Thank you Lori! Do I know you? If not, how are you connected to the blog?

      Blessings,
      Joe Park

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